substitute teaching yeah

I had a substitute class yesterday. It started with a fight outside the classroom and four kids blaming a small pakistani guy for starting it and bruising them badly. Inside the classroom two kids were throwing pens and markers at each other. I walked over to them and told them to stop it. Five seconds later I saw objects flying from one side of the classroom to the other. "You and you, come on out of the classroom with me". In the hallway I told them that I didn't want them in the classroom and they could spend some time with the principal. The guys refused and judging by the size of one of them, it would be very difficult to carry him downstairs to the administration.

The majority of the class were to be spent in the computer lab. I spent most of the time standing behind the guys in the last row, separating them when they started to play fight and interrupting when the insults became too bad. The big uncarriable kid didn't want to work and played computer games the entire time. He went on facebook, which is strightly prohibited, and I had no sanctions. Reprimands he has plenty of, so that threath isn't real. He didn't want to go to the principal, and couldn't lift him from his chair and drag him either. Eventually he closed down facebook and complained about being bored and school being like a prison.

"Most teachers would have freaked out and gotten real mad by now", one of the kids said. "She's pre.. Hey, are you pregnant?" I answered that no, I am not pregnant. Some of his friends gasped and asked why he would ask me such a question. The kid held his palms open and explained: "The one teacher who didn't get all upset and yelled at this class was pregnant". So I figure the kids believe that the only reason to stay calm when the class is a riot, is to have another creature living inside you. You know something is going to be a lot worse very soon. When I told Min later, he laughed and said: "I bet that kid is in for a surprise if he believes pregnant equals calm".

When the class was over I went to the inspector's office and had a debriefing. She told me that if I encounter a situation like that again, I should come get her or the principal and they can have the kids get out of the class. To me it feels like loosing face, having to get someone else to take control in the classroom. The inspector pointed out that it is not fair to the other students that two kids get all the attention. I agree, at least I am an experience richer

Cafe, cafe and mormons

In town yesterday I saw an old man in a wheel chair sitting by a table in an outdoor cafe. He was leaned back in his seat with a look of content on his face. On the table in front of him two pigeons were eating his chocolate cake. The man noticed the smile on my face and commented: “They’re hungry”. I laughed and asked if the cake was good. He agreed to that and kept studying the head-butting pigeons going to town on his cake.

Yesterday was our Swede’s last day of work, so she and I went out to celebrate with a “fika”. I was starving after a long day of work, and spent the half-hour before her train arrived looking at menus from different cafes and restaurants. The Pastabakeriet was what tempted the most, with its vegetarian alternatives and cheerful Russian waitresses. The Swede and I put our bags and backpacks next to an outdoor table to make sure no one else would take it. To decide what to have when the selection is so large, takes time. Right after I had ordered my smoked ham pasta salad, one of the waitresses grabbed our bags and walked in with them. I ran towards her, excusing myself and explaining that those bags are ours, we just wanted to sit by that table. The poor waitress was really embarrassed and hid from us for the rest of our visit. There were three middle aged women who laughingly took the blame. “It’s is our fault! We told her that the people sitting there had left their belongings”.

For proper celebration a pasta salad and bruschetta just isn’t enough. There is a chocolatier in town, and we decided to see if they actually sell something to drink as well as chocolates. On the way there two Mormons stopped us and told us they’re on a mission to inform us about the book of Mormons. I said I know what they are about, but what I really wonder is how they learn Norwegian. How come they speak so fluently after a few weeks of studying? The guys were confused at my turnaround of topics, but told us that they have 9 weeks of language classes in the US, and they learn grammar and vocabulary. After those nine weeks they go to their designated country and just speak it. We wondered if Mormons are smarter, or maybe more motivated, but the reason they gave for their successful language learning is: God helps us learn.

In the chocolatier the young girl working there didn’t understand our Swede at all. Maybe the intonation, maybe the specific word usage was a hindrance. The hot chocolate is made with milk, and the girl didn’t understand soy milk or lactose intolerance. Our swede got annoyed and ordered tea and some pieces of chocolate instead. I had coffee and a chili infused chocolate ball. The Swede hasn’t openly complained about the prices in Norway, but in this chocolatier café, she leaned in over the table and whispered in a conspiratorial way: “The prices in here are actually really good. Even in Sweden you wouldn’t find a place where they sell tea and a praline for 25 kroners.”

First day of school

My 29 kids are wonderful! They are funny, well-behaved and intelligent. Of course there are a couple of kids that struggle with motivation, but there are no chatterboxes or exhibitionistic drama kings. Usually I leave my sarcasm and irony out when I teach 8^th grade, there are so many kids that don’t get it, and I don’t want to make them uncertain of me.  I think there is one that will outsmart me if I don’t have my antennas on around him.

After handing out and explaining the 3-levelled homework sheets, I told the kids how I had a hard time studying in middle school. I did well in class, but homework was overkill. I spent hours looking at the sheet of tasks for social science, math, religion, Norwegian, etc. I used to have candles on my desk, and next to the candle I had little plastic figurines. As I got more and more frustrated, the figurines lost a leg or an arm. At this point I had the kids’ full attention and they seemed to enjoy the story of my youth.

My homework would still be undone four hours later, and I then realized I need to manage time better. What I recommended the kids was to set 20 minutes off to do science homework, then 10 minutes English and then take a little break, for instance. That way their plastic figurines would be safe and they would be more efficient while doing homework. When I asked for the kids’ advice, one kid suggested rewarding yourself after achieving a specific goal.

The very same kid that volunteered study tips walked by my desk on the way out. He had a plastic bag in his hands. Another teacher had left a candle and a vase of flowers on the desk as a welcome gesture. The kid made sure I was looking and put the plastic bag close to the burning candle and pulled it away. I started to protest, then looked at him and saw the laughter in his eyes. “Aha”, I said, “that is because I told you about me burning plastic figurines while studying, isn’t it?”

The books that the kids need for their classes were already placed on their desks. The last kid that enrolled to my school (a few days ago), was really relieved and grateful when he found that he indeed gets to lean French. The alternative is Spanish that everyone wants to learn, or German that is a bit too easy due to the transparency to Norwegian words. The kids who chose to learn French are “la crème de la crème”. The kid with a matured sarcasm is also in the French group, and I am sure there will be more stories about his wit in the weeks to come.

The Swede’s fascination with feces (and my wisdom tooth distress)

Our Swede came home from work, all fired up because she had had ice cream with a couch surfer friend. She was now intent on making soy tacos. I was standing in front of the mirror with a flashlight, studying the white pus above the cavity where my wisdom tooth had been.  The Swedish doctor-in-the-making took a good look and confirmed that the white goo is no infection. I sat down in a comfy chair, had some chocolate and felt sorry for myself. The Swede continued with taco making.

We had dinner on the porch before Min came home. As soon as my husband had parked the car and walked in the door, I told him I believe my tooth is infected. Shoving the flash light into my mouth, he too determined there is no infection eating my gum. The Swede yelled from the living room that there is food for him in kitchen. Shortly after he shouted: “What is this glob that I’m eating?” I quickly responded that it is gløgg and grogg mixed together. Our Swede clarified: “It’s glögg and grogg and POOP all together”.

But that’s not all! When we were hiking Sunday, Swede was contemplating how to get all her luggage to Spain. I suggested air balloons, and she figured she could save money staying in an air balloon instead of hostels. She could even cook food over the flame. I suggested barbecuing marshmallows and maize. “YOU can barbecue maize” she said. “I don’t like maize”, I said. “I don’t like maize either. We could make your husband eat the maize”. “Yeah, you’ll have to order him to come to Spain to eat your maize”, I laughed. First then our Swede realized we were talking about maize, the sweet corn, and not “bajs” which is Swedish for “poop”. She had held a complete conversation with me about what she perceived as barbecuing manure.

According to Min, she interprets a lot of the words he says as “porn”. Such a dirty mind that girl has.

hiking and lawnmowing

Such a nice evening! Sitting in a comfy chair in the living room, listening to our Swede doing dishes in the kitchen, Min chewing the veggies in his pasta and the cat purring whenever he lays down somewhere close to us. The Swede has been working in Norway for two months and has only 10 more work days before she heads home. Her opinion is that the cat will miss her so much he’ll run away to find her in Gothenburg. We’ve bought him lots of expensive cat food, so we’ll have to see about that.

This Sunday was spent hiking in a mountainous area. According to Min, hiking is not the same as walking or promenading. We missed the trail we were supposed to be on, and kept walking on the old cart road made out of scree. The Swede was thrilled to see the lakes and mountains and an occasional view of the fjord. Min was upset about the lack of elevation, and after an hour and a half we decided to turn around. Coffee, chocolate and a matpakke (“food package” consists generally of two slices of bread wrapped in paper or plastic) help the mood, and we could laugh about the lack of mountain tops by the time we reached the car.

While I was in Svalbard, Min mowed over half the lawn. I was planning on doing the rest yesterday, but due to lack of sleep after travelling and bed change, I spent Saturday afternoon napping. Judging by facebook updates, people seem to have enjoyed the beautiful weather the past couple of days. It rained when we drove away from to the hiking area, therefore the lawn is now too wet to be cut. Instead of bringing out the mower, I should sit back in my chair and enjoy the view of the green leaves burdened with rain drops.

Barentsburg, a vibrant town close to the North Pole

“There used to be quite a problem with alcohol here, you know. But now it is not so bad. The miners can only buy one bottle of vodka a month”. We were on a guided tour in Barentsburg, and the young girl from St. Petersburg showed us the old crooked buildings of the Russian town on Svalbard. Compared to Longyearbyen, I found the town surprisingly green and colorful. Geeba and her roomie took pictures of dandelions and the grass that grew along the road.  

Our guide informed us that there are 350 Ukrainians that live here, and the remaining 100 are Russian. There is a school+kindergarten with 30 kids and 3 teachers. The hospital looked ancient on the outside, and we were told it isn’t any better on the inside. But they now have a dentist in addition to the doctor and two nurses. Barentsburg still looks like a soviet republic with commie posters and slogans everywhere. They even sold artifacts from the soviet area.

As we walked with the guide, people of Barentsburg flocked around us, yet they pretended to have an errand somewhere. We took a look in a souvenir shop and bought knitted gloves. Geeba’s roommate had been to Barentsburg on a snowmobile trip six months earlier, and she told us tales of the nasty swimming pool in the sports centre. We smiled at the guy in the entrance and were let in to look around. According to the guide, swimming is a popular spare time activity for miners. The water was thick with algae and there were little bobbles of air coming up from the green mud. What really did us in was the floating devise for little kids at the edge of the pool. Is this pool used in gym classes for the young ones?

The boat trip to Barentsburg lasted all day. We stopped by a glacier and let off a group of French kayakers (they were going on a 20 day adventure trip in Svalbard). The weather was amazing, no clouds on the sky and sun shining brightly. The night before we’d played some board games and close to finished a 3-liter-box of wine. Needless to say, after taking a few pictures of the mountains, birds and water, we laid down to rest.

Angry arctic birds

“Why lock the door? Someone might want to get in?” my friend answered when I inquired about the house door. People of Svalbard often leave their car keys in the ignition as well. Someone might need to borrow their car and locking it would just cause problems. The only time Geeba locks her house is when a cruise ship is in town, because tourists tend to think this is an exhibition island. A girl she knows came downstairs one morning and found a drunken tourist asleep on her sofa.

Earlier today I went for a walk along a shallow stream while Geeba was at work. The road was paved, but there were clay foundations on both sides of the road. I brought a skiing pole as I had been advised, and I felt quite stupid until an arctic tern flew towards me. I automatically lifted my pole and the tern flew off. Some Dutch tourists pointed and took pictures; I smiled, nodded and kept walking.

This is what Wikipedia says about the arctic tern: “It is one of the most aggressive terns, fiercely defensive of its nest and young. It will attack humans and large predators, usually striking the top or back of the head. Although it is too small to cause serious injury, it is still capable of drawing blood.” I walked on with the pole over my head, cute little angry birds flying on and on above my head. They made little screaming sounds and I tried to get through their hatching areas as fast as possible. Suddenly my phone went off, and I stopped to answer it.

 A few years ago I subscribed to Aftenposten, Norway’s largest newspaper, and one of their salesmen was now interested in getting me back, offering me an 11 week highly reduced subscription. After listening to him for a little while, I interrupted and said: “I am sorry it’s hard to concentrate right now, I’m on vacation in Svalbard and I’m being attacked by artic birds. I really do like your paper, so please continue to talk to me.” Starting Saturday I will have the newspaper delivered to our door.

I didn’t want to talk back through the area with arctic terns, so Geeba came in her borrowed car and took me for a drive as far as the road goes east. We drove past deserted coal mines and research stations, satellite receivers and up a gravel mountain. What a landscape! No green anywhere, beautiful clouds and an amazingly fresh daylight.